hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
