Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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