Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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