Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
