PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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