is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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