In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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