The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
