I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
