I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
