Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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