You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
