I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
