Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
