so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
