took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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