how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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