THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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