grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
