Plan B is the new Plan A
I didn't shave. On purpose
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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