Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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