last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
