I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
