Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
