from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
