I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
