At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
