I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
