btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Randomize
