I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
