When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
