It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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