so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
