On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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