If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
