She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
