my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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