I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
