My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
