Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I checked into jail on foursquare
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
