At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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