foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
