quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
