I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
