I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
