she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
