the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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