So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
