well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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