I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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