I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
