Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
