he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
