My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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