Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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