if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
