really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
