FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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