I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
