mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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