I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
