Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
