I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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