You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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