Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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